In light of Carly’s comment on my previous blog I wanted to discuss relationships in Church.
Carly really summed it up when she said that that if our relationship a solely nice then we are in a bit of trouble.
When I became a Christian I hated the word nice. Now that is not because nice is a bad or evil word but that for as long as I could remember I had been called nice. My problem with this word is because that word was an accurate reflection of me. I was good and kind; polite and respectful; obedient and chivalrous – all of these a good things but what people couldn’t see was my dishonesty and manipulation; thoughts and heart. See to me nice is an easy front to put up when want the people around us to think that we are ‘goody two-shoes’.
In relationships we need to connect to people as Carly said “Love runs deeper than this”. Sometimes I fear the two following things.
1. The Christian friendships are fake – this is the isn’t it a beautiful day, how are you going…
2. Our relationships with non-Christians are politically correct – there is no depth, honest or connection.
Not that every Christian relationship that you have should be soul crunching honesty but where are the conversations about sermons after church, the sin we are struggling with, what we read in our Bibles, problems we are having at home or work- the heart things.
Do we talk to non-Christians about the weather and work but not Jesus? What about their needs and struggles? What about when people turn up to Church? Do we find out where they are at? Or only ask them what they do? Do we talk about Jesus? Or only about family?
I think Carly’s comment was both clearer and shorter. Good work Carly.
hmmm... have you been talking to my husband... he says the same things about 'after church conversations'.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your point, but I wouldn't want people to dismiss "nice" purely based on that. I have a non-Christian friend who used to love coming to CU things (even though she couldn't make it often) because "everyone is so nice". People would start a conversation with her and be interested in her. A stranger doesn't do that in the secular world.
ReplyDeleteNot that every Christian relationship that you have should be soul crunching honesty but where are the conversations about sermons after church, the sin we are struggling with, what we read in our Bibles, problems we are having at home or work- the heart things.
ReplyDeleteYes I agree these things are missing- I guess one thing is our fear of getting hurt- I guess as north queenslanders we have this fear of reavling too much. Where do u think trust comes into it and how do you build up that trust without building the friendship over time and making the polite conversations.
I'll try and give an example. It takes a lot for me to get to a stage where i feel i can be open with people. If someone walks up to me and asks me "what sins are you struggling with?" It puts me on the back foot and raises my guard against that person. These are things we don't want people knowing about us and unless i feel i can trust a person completely enough to lower my guard I wont answer straightly (or use humour as a shield)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need to show people that we love them. For some people it just might be smiling at them each week (u might be the only smile they get). It might be finding out about what makes them tick (I love meeting people's family's to find out about them through their interactions). But to make people feel inferior or guilty I don't think is the right way to do things but rather with love, growing together closer.